It's Wednesday.

Your moisturizer falls in the sink, and spills liquidy-cream stuff all over the inside of the brown marble bowl. You stare.

It reminds you of the whitish, sugar-free pudding today at the buffet. It was mixed into the salad bar, sitting amongst the spinach and nuts, obviously wondering why it had been placed so randomly. And you almost considered putting it over your ceasar-salad you just created, if only to give the sugar-free, vanilla pudding a purpose in its arbitrary existence... But, instead, you walk away. Brother was still with you.

You remember walking into the buffet, and asking brother how he felt. He told you about packing his suitcase, and about more than 55 lbs of stuff he had to transform into 55 lbs, and you walked ahead of him, and didn't make eye-contact. Your feet shuffled as he talked, and eventually he trailed off. He probably thought you weren't listening. You memorized every word.

3 AM comes quick when you're sad. You scratched your ball-point onto 2 sheets of college-ruled paper. One to California, one to Provo.

You think of the pudding again.

Husband holds you while you cry until the alarm sounds. It's too early.


Breanna said...

I know the feeling. 2 brothers down, one to go.
Feel for you girl.

You would be more sad if he wasn't going!

Julie said...

Two years seems like a long time and yet it's good for them, right?

You do have incredible brothers.

Angie said...

My bro has been out 6 months and can I just tell you how fun it is to read his emails and feel so so proud of him and all the great things he's doing and things he's learning and lives he's changing?! It is awesome. I love him even more! Plus it's fun sending packages and writing letters. Sad to see them go, though.

brooke said...

i feel you. i can't wait to talk to you.