Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

I've been writing about Virginia Woolf for 4 hours now.

I think it's about time to take a break.

She's all about stream of conscious. I might as well be, too.

The "LOVE" enrichment project woodamajigger-- a wedding gift that currently sits on the entertainment center-- blends into the wall, even though the two colors are not the same. I probably would be a better decorator if I had money to do so, and more importantly, time. But I spend my time doing other things-- like schooling and showering and sleeping. But I wonder if the landlord knew that one day, we would move in, and the walls would be the perfect color to make our"LOVE" enrichment-project-wedding-gift-the-extent-of-my-decor-skills blend in with the wall. He probably didn't, and if I told him, he wouldn't care. Just like he didn't really care when we told him the garbage disposal was broken-- but I guess we didn't either because we've only called him once about it. The only other time we called him was when the pipes froze over the winter because we didn't have the heat high enough. But he responded promptly to that. In fact, he brought a heater that didn't work over for us. We just left the heat on high, and placed the broken heater above our shower in the large storage gap that allows us to keep our christmas decorations and a backstock of paper towels. I would put extra clothes up there-- you know the ones that are perpetually falling out of my closet because they don't have any room-- but it's been water damaged, and probably has some sort of fungus. I'm not that into the fungus look. I don't really know what look I'm into. I'm a married, almost-twenty-one-year-old female who will graduate with a bachelor's degree in one year precisely and sometimes I still can't figure myself out. But sometimes I think that will never go away. Sometimes I think your mind simply can't keep up with the rest of you...That your ears grow and your eyes grow and your heart grows, and old brain is just left in the dust, waiting to know what the rest of you knows. But maybe that’s not you. Maybe that’s just me.



I think Virginia might have thought so, though.

She gets me.

today

i smelled the grass growing



.smile.


.

Gosh, it's been almost a week since I last posted-- which is a bit ridiculous considering I try to write every day, and most often that happens on this blog. However, a lot of things I have been feeling/thinking this past week just haven't been fitting for the public eye, so I have chosen not to post. Probably better that way.

I think making a list of noteworthy happenings this week will probably be easiest.

This week's solids:

• It's official, I'm moving out next semester. I've struggled with this decision A LOT; however, I prayed about it, and I knew it was right. I also prayed about whether I should continue to attend my singles ward, or attend my family ward at home. I got an overwhelming answer that I needed to go to my home ward. This happened just today, and the peace I felt after I received it was indescribable. I feel as though they need me in my home ward for one reason or another; which, really, makes the transition a little easier.
• My mom threatened me with a sewing machine if I didn't give her a Christmas list, and I think I actually might want it. Mmmyeah.
• I full-blown ran into a wall while laser-tagging Friday, and my head still hurts from the impact.
• I did well on my rhetorical analysis.
• However, I am struggling with my issues paper hard-core. And the stupid library ladies don't help one bit. Like seriously, talking in a voice that should be directed to a five year old and having one reiterate his/her topic over and OVER again while the other lady gives a pointless 40 minute tutorial helps absolutely NO ONE. Yes, I am in a Freshman writing class; but newsflash, that doesn't necessarily make me a Freshman. And even if I WAS a Freshman, that wouldn't make me an idiot. Gosh.
• Kendra and I had a long-anticipated date to PF Chang's where we ordered DELICIOUS flourless chocolate cake. If you haven't tried it, this gem is a MUST on the to-order list. SO SO good.
  
• The very same night of the PF Chang's trip, Kendra and I took a trip to Costco to buy our first under-two-dollars gasoline in a LONG time. However, once we got there (at 10 PM) it was unfortunately VERY closed. So, I STILL have yet to buy this awesome gasoline for under $2 a gallon. However, this is a time in my life I am extremely looking forward to, and I will most-likely document the occasion.
• My baby brothers turned 18. They are both working on college applications, and beginning to prepare for their missions. I could hardly believe it, and consequently, I had a (few) moment(s) of mourning.
• I was called stupid by an ornery, old lady carrying a dull knife around the mall while working on Saturday. My adult, male friends in security and maintenance offered to attack her for me.
• I watched an awesome variety show put on by the BYU 164th ward.
• I found out that my 13 year old sister is actually a VERY talented song-writer, and jammed with her for a few hours.
  
• I have resolved to change my style. I need something new.
• Also, I want to lose 5 pounds.
• Because of the low gas prices, my insides are absolutely ITCHING to go on a road trip. I have also been itching to go to the beach since last November when I went with Jess and Liz. California, anyone?
• I decided that I enjoy iHop a great deal amount more than I enjoy Denny's.
• I missed my British Lit History class for the first time because I got lost in a conversation with mia madre.
  
• I came to the realization that there is one more week of classes until the week of Thanksgiving break, and then two weeks after that, finals week starts. Eek!
• I made the resolve to start practicing piano everyday again.
  
• I re-did my toenails.
• I ate my weight in Chili at the ward chili cook-off, something that I had previously no desire to eat. Apparently I love it.

That is probably good for now.
I'll try to be better this week, but no promises.
Love.

pioneers and an alma mater

I saw this on Mary's blog, and I liked it, so I thought I would do one for myself. Not to mention the fact that I have finished all of my work and I have two hours left to be on the clock. Boredom.

Here we go:

1. Did you date someone from your High School? Not even close. I didn't even date someone from my state. Jersey's where it's at, baby.

2. What kind of car did you drive? A '94 Geo Prizm. Still got her. She's a babe for trucking me around all this time. Love her.

3. What is your most embarrassing moment in High School? I don't know about most embarrassing, but this is the only one I could think of on the spot: Choir Concert, Jr. Year, in the middle of a performance, and there was a drumset (random? yes.) right behind me. Long story short, I knocked it over. That was KINDA embarrassing. Ha.

4. Were you a party animal? Depends on the party. I definitely always had the potential. :)

5. Were you considered a flirt? No. Although, I do/did flirt a lot.

6. Were you in band, orchestra or choir? Choir, baby. I'm all about it.

7. Were you a nerd? Absolutely.

8. Were you on any varsity teams? Nope. I really wish I would have played soccer, though.

9. Did you ever get suspended/expelled? No ma'am.

10. Can you still sing the fight song? DUH. I do impromptu performances regularly, much to the dismay of my peers.

11. Who were your favorite teachers? Mrs. C- She's the freaking bomb. Ms. Hansen- Changed my life.

12. Where did you sit for lunch? Choir room. Most likely at a piano with Brooke or Payden. Trips to Artic Circle for dollar sundaes were also a regular occurence.

13. School mascot? Pioneer Pete. Don't hate.

14. Did you go to homecoming and with who? Yes. Jr. Year I went with Corey Morgan. That was funny/awkward because I have a really funny peeing my pants story from 1st grade that he was involved in. I don't feel like typing it, and most the people who read this have heard it anyway, so if you feel like knowing-- ask. Anyway, that was Jr. year, and Sr. year LJ took me to my homecoming, even though he was a big college boy. That might have been the best dance I have ever been to. Although, a close second was BYU's homecoming that same year with him. I mean, how often do you get to have a dance on a moving train? Seriously.

15. If you could go back and do it again would you? No. High school was alright, but I love college. I would never go back.

17. Where did you go on Senior Skip Day? Probably slept in like every other day of my Sr. year.

18. Have you gained weight since then? Probably, but I don't regularly weigh myself. However, if I did gain weight, I'm pretty sure I lost most of it over the summer.

19. Who was your Prom Date? Bryce Wilson. It was awkward. I didn't even know him.

20. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reuinion? Abso-friggin-lutely.

21. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? Go to school (on TIME) Sr. Year. Actually, that's not even true. Girl, drop those AP classes, and live it up.

Wishing.

You know that old saying, be careful what you wish for? I am currently thinking about that statement, and I wonder during what circumstance it came about. I wonder about the initial wish that caused the age-old line. Could it have been Pinocchio? Columbus? Audrey Hepburn? What was that person's consequence? What was their wish?

I have to know, because I'm wishing.
Today, my wish is not pretty. Literally.
Today, I wish I wasn't pretty.


(I hit return three times just to let my words sink in. I'm serious.)


My person is a very strong person. She is strong willed, and strongly opinionated, but not often strongly expressed. She hides in the back room of this place, a place I like to call ME, until an exterior individual can get close enough to draw her out. She isn't shy, really; just smart. And slightly scared.

I am constantly wondering how other people think. It is a topic that has always intrigued me. One specific thing I wonder about is how individuals perceive their personal appearance. I don't mean that I wonder what other people think of their image, per se, I just wonder how often they are AWARE of the portion of their person that might be the only thing everyone else sees. From what I know about myself, I am not that aware of my person. Okay, YES I get up in the morning and fuss over my hair, my outfit, and my makeup like any other girl; but, really, five minutes out the door and my carefully selected, perfectly matching shoes become shoes, my outfit becomes merely a way to conform to societal norms, and my hair gets forgotten about unless my bangs are in my face-- in which case I spend the day cursing being a girl and silently threaten to shave my head that very night. I don't often think about what my 'person' looks like to others.
On the same note, I have a similar attitude when talking with other people. First impressions include noticing one's outward appearance, yes; but for me, the moment I start talking to someone, I forget about what they look like. I forget the traits I initially noticed, and I start to get lost in this world that is their life. After I have passed that point, I don't go back. No, I am not blind; or crazy, for that matter. I just have a hard time getting lost in someones looks. To me, there are facets that are incredibly MORE INTERESTING than the shape of a person's nose, or the perfect curvature of their body. Consequently, I have never been in a circumstance where I make a fool of myself because a cute boy decides he wants to strike up a conversation with me, and I have most certainly never been lost in a boy's beautiful blue eyes that I had just had the pleasure of gaining acquaintance with.
No, this is not how I roll. Instead, I find myself lost in a person whose natural magnetism draws me to them. Their sense of that which is REAL is undeniable, and that just so happens to be what my little person LOVES. Their inner 'person' is dancing around outside of THEM, and my little person inside of ME simply HAS to come outside to see what all the commotion is about. Not because of their looks, not because of their charm, simply because of THEM.
This is how I view people. This is how I interact with people. Yes, I will notice your looks, your clothes, your style--everyone does, whether subconsciously or consciously. HOWEVER, that is ALL I will do--is notice. It won't affect the way I act around you, my opinion of you, etc.

I'll say it again. I wish I wasn't pretty.

Every day, I get comments about my looks. Someone is always noticing my face, my body, or something about this facade that somehow, to other people, makes up ME. I become so irked at times, wishing that people would just notice me for the person I am, rather than the qualities of my body. And yet, I can hardly justify myself because becoming irked at human nature is simply self-destructive.

And so, here I am, irked at something I am not admitted to be irked about.
It leaves me to one thing: Wishful thinking.


And today, I wish I wasn't pretty.


But hey, kids. I'll tell you one thing. I am super excited for this day:





Be careful what you wish for... :)

Package speakers.

I don't want to shower because it is thundering outside, and that feels like a good enough excuse. I don't want to write my paper because it's thundering outside, and that feels like a good enough excuse. It looks like it's seven o'clock in the morning still, because of the darkened clouds; therefore my pajamas belong nowhere but on my body. The week has been long, too long I might say. However, there were still some gems found in this week:

*Seeing the "Bee Money" "support your local artist" ad on that strange calender thing that was passed out to apartments on campus, calling the number on the paper, talking to Bee Money HIMSELF, looking him up on youtube, and realizing that he is dead serious. For those of you unaware of this local artist, you can check him out here.

*Switching my contacts finally after having my contact assault my left eye by digging into my pupil and committing other unmentionable acts that caused me to want to rip my eyeballs out for the past week and a half.

*Keeping a Red-Box DVD all week that I never ended up watching.

*Going to the DI and realizing that I am no longer grossed out by most second-hand things; consequently taking a trip to Plato's closet and realizing that that is my new favorite place to shop.

*Randomly going shopping, getting pedicures and ice cream from cold stone with Katie. (Even better, she bought my pedicure. That DOLL.)

*Using sparknotes to pass my British-Lit History class. It's the first time I have ever actually needed them, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, they helped me in a moment of need, and I am, indeed, grateful for them. I now take back (almost) every negative thing I have ever said about spark-notes.

*Spending Brooke-and-Kaylie time. This encompasses:
-Speed dating at Fallfest. We decided it would be a fun to do, a new experience, and we could check it off of our 'things to do before we die' list. The number of braces, glasses, the whiffs of rank breath, the 'dad' jeans, the zoobie, tie dyed t-shirts, and the awkward, impossible-to-carry-on conversations was so amusing that neither Brooke nor I regret the decision in the slightest.
-Going outside at Fallfest to the dance filled with UVU students-- We were dancing behind the speakers, so we could hardly hear the music, but there was a group of cute boys to our left, so we continued to dance there--OBVIOUSLY sending and invitation for an introduction, but, alas, we were rejected. We ended up seeing Leah and forgetting about them anyway.
-Being on the same page all night, especially when we walked through the fart on the dance floor, and both of us commented about it at the exact same time.
-Deciding to go home and have a movie/fatty night. Buying the frozen pizzas that contain probably a million calories, along with the most delicious ice cream on the planet: caramel praline. Trying to use my credit card to pay for the junk, pressing 'no' when the machine told me to please wait for the cashier, the cashier coming over and with and annoyed expression telling me I had to hit 'Pay for Items' on the main screen before I could use the credit card machine.
-The boy at the Redbox recognizing us because he was in the same Speed Dating room with us at Fall fest. He was so offended when we didn't recognize him, but still invited us to watch a movie at his apartment. We awkwardly declined.
-Watching the entirety of 27 dresses, even though our inevitable reaction of 'what the heck is this movie?' happened within the first five minutes. We suffered through it anyway, and entertained ourselves by predicting every approaching line, and making fun of every character EXCEPT supremely sexy James Marsden.

*Putting off writing my paper for another 45 mintues while I blogged about my week.

Love life.

What's wrong with the world, mamma?

The daily routine of me is not completely abnormal, but it is an undeniably lovely thing; a lovely thing whose vitality requires an iPod. It sounds superficial, or maybe even pathetic; but, the bottom line is that it's true. Music is like food for me: food of the soul. Like steak and red-jello with bananas in it.

Everyday, I walk to school through the faculty parking lot, up the South-of-campus-suicide stairs, around the Benson building, and finally, onto my classes. If I didn't have the company of souls such as Ingrid Michaelson, Matt Costa, Chris Brown, and Enya to accompany me on my hike to school each day, I am convinced I would never make it. Instead, I would be reported missing by my roommates (hours later) and be found slamming my face with delicious substances such as a strawberry cheesequake blizzard at The DQ. My scholastic endeavors would be, well, forgotten; and I would consequently become a hobo. Or possibly a hermit that does hobo-esque things for a living. I'm still deciding.

Anyway, today wasn't any different than my regular routine: wake up late, go to work, do work, go home, eat, walk to school.....
This is the point that I am going to pause the chronology of my day for the reason that it is at this point that I would like to be more specific and elaborate about the happenings.

I was walking to school. Walking. With my iPod. It was lovely. I reached the edge of campus, and was listening to a little Richard Marx diddy as I began to traipse up the suicide-stairs. As I neared the top and the road that passes behind the testing center/Benson building/other South campus buildings, the song ended, and I waited in high anticipation for the next one to come on.

(Interjection-- Really quick. You must know that my campus-iPod walk requires that my iPod is on shuffle. If I can predict the next song, I become introverted and depressed simply because I feel I have been denied a potential surprise. Okay. Back to my... writing...)

In perfect accordance to the time I crossed at the cross-walk, I hear the sound of synthetics, bass, and beat. I think to myself, "Impeccable." The song is currently (and has been since it came out) on my top ten favorite songs of all time. What is the song, you ask? Well, I shall tell you. The song was "Where is the Love" by the Black Eyed Peas.

Now, I know you are wondering why this is one of my favorite songs. At this point, I am choosing not to elaborate, and to simply forgive you for your blasphemies because 1.) It would take far too long to list all of the great qualities of that song and 2.) I shouldn't have to explain it to you.

Okay. Where is the Love. It came on.

As the beautiful lyrics of love and peace filled my ears, campus seemed to perk up ever so slightly. My ego centrism allowed me to believe that the entirety of BYU campus could hear the very same music that was pumping in my ears. Listening to the intro, I saw a boy walking towards with a strangely familiar rhythm in his step. The lyrics started, and surprisingly, he was rapping along with them. "What's wrong with the world mamma..." He finished the stanza, and my vision was directed to another girl, just to the right of him. She picked up where he left off without missing a beat. Then, the chorus came on. As it did, every single person walking between the SWKT and the Benson building simultaneously broke out in synchronized dance, and harmonized song. It was as if the whole world of BYU campus had the same vision of love and peace as I did. The chorus ended, and I could feel it was my turn this time. I picked up the rap, and motioned to my fellow musicians to follow me. We never lost the beat in our steps as we traveled from the SWKT to Brigham Square-- Me rapping the entire time. Once in Brigham Square, the song just seemed to build in both sound and intensity. Before I knew what was happening, it was completely packed, and every single person was singing, cheering, dancing, hollering, bumping their head to the music, or contributing to the great moment in some other way. I looked up, and somehow there were hot air balloons floating above us with messages of peace and hope written on the sides. The atmosphere was unbelievable, and I was in the very center of it all.

Then, the music stopped.

I opened my eyes, realized I was standing in the middle of Brigham Square, 5 minutes late for class.

A class that was all the way across campus: in the Benson building.

Standing in my solitude, I had one final thought pass through my mind before rushing across campus to class:

"Where is the love?!"

Unibrow.

September 15, 2008: And Kaylie has a grossly ridiculous amount of homework, and therefore is spending a long night at the library. Approximately 10:30 PM, after much careful study and hard work, exhaustion sets in. Kaylie decides to put off the homework for yet one more day, and leaves the library. Approximately 10:37 PM, Kaylie arrives at her apartment:








I LOVE MY ROOMMATES.

Considering...

Blogging.

I like blogging. I really do. But, for a long time, my blogging wasn't typical 'blogging.' My 'original' blog is but poetry, and really tells one nothing about my life. I've decided it is time I join the rest of the young adult world, and create a blog that spills my life onto the Internet, so that my loved ones can know the happenings of my oh-so-boring life in Provo, UT; that, in spite of my sarcasm, I severely enjoy.

So here we go.

I moved into my new apartment a little over a week ago. My roommates are some of my best friends in the world. Katie and Kendra both have their own rooms, and Brooke and I share a bedroom-- of course. :) We are all missing Claire, who is studying abroad in Vienna this semester. We can hardly wait for her to be back in Provo with us again. In spite of this, we've had fun staying up late, laughing and talking; making food together, and telling each other about our days.

School started last Tuesday, and it has actually been really good. I enjoy all of my classes so far, and my load isn't too heavy. I am trying to do really well this semester so I can raise my not-so-perfect GPA. I played a little bit too much freshman year, and now I am paying for it. However, that being said, Freshman year was the best year of my life and I don't regret one minute of it. :)
I have decided to major in English. I am considering English Education and teaching High School, but I am also considering Editing, or maybe something else in area. I want to minor in Italian, but we will just have to see how that goes. :)

Work is fine, but it's still just work. We're really busy right now planning for Christmas (Already?!?) which is good. I get my full amount of hours, and I don't have to feel like I am being dishonest because there is nothing to do while I am there. Last Wednesday night, (Sept. 3) there was a fire down by Mervyn's in the new 'tree house court.' It has been barely a year since the flood happened (Sept. 2 last year a pipe broke underneath thetree house, and flooded the entire North end of the mall.) and this being the case, we have decided the tree house is cursed. Interesting.

Noteworthy auditions were this weekend. The initial audition consisted of a solo, some sight reading, and a range test. For my solo, I sang Orange Colored Sky by Nat King Cole. I made it to call backs, which consisted of learning 2 dance numbers, and 2 a capella pieces. At the end, all of the girls got up and sang their solos they did for auditions. It was so fun, and an absolutely incredible experience. Everyone was so talented, and it was so great to be surrounded by such ability. WOW! Anyway, I didn't end up making it, but I was so glad for the opportunity, and felt completely at peace with the decision. I will definitely be trying out again next year. :)

I think I've touched all the bases, sorry about the lack of detail, but I had to start somewhere. I'll add pictures, etc to my next entry.

Until then,

Peace&love.

-Kaylie