Orson Scott Card is one of my favorite novelists. He is probably most notorious for the Ender series, however, he is a fantastic essayist and has written many other great novels. Just a few days ago in a conversation my dad and I were having about Card, my dad informed me that one of his popular novels entitled Lost Boys was actually written as an autobiography, which some might say is why the book was so fascinating. It was filled with some metaphorical, and some very literal tellings of his life.

Anne Fadiman. She's an essayist, one of my absolute favorites. I read a collections of essays by her called Ex Libris in high school, and have read and reread it numerous times since. The essays focus on aspects and facets of her life, mostly that have to do with being a book worm and an author, but are driven by the everyday ins-and-outs of her personal life.

The very best of poets-- Byron, Tennyson, Dickinson, were all driven in their writing by very obvious personal experiences-- whether it be love, heartache, faith or passion, if it was real they wrote. The beauty of their poetry is birthed from the veracity of their words.

The difference between these people and me?
Audacity scares the crap out of me.

I've been thinking on my writing lately. I've stopped posting, for no other reason than the fact that I can't possibly bear the knowledge of my personal life floating, free for the taking of unknowns who will do what they will with my deepest of thoughts, fears, doubts, desires, and emotions. I have a lot to say, and I say it. Just not to the world. In fact, most the time, to no one but myself.

I want to be a writer. I'm driven by words.

But how can I if I am so terrified of sharing my reality?