I have the itch today.
It's tingling my arms, working its way through my bones, trying to reach my head, trying to grasp something, anything, just ONE thing of the millions of things bopping through my head.
That's not accurate.
Things USED to bop around my head. They used to flail, and scream, and fight their way around my head, actually.
But that doesn't happen anymore.
No, my mind is more peaceful now. Peaceable, too.
and I think it has something to do with my heart.
I just figured this out. Just two seconds ago. Just typing I realized this.
My heart and my mind are on the same track. It took some time to route my mind (because the mind is always the one veering off the intended) back on track, but I think I am finally here.
And it feels good. Oh so good.
So the itch. The things (not) bopping through my head.
These days I just think. I just wonder. I just contemplate, and search for truth. I don't try to will things to be how I see them. I don't try to know everything. I just try to experience, and I try to learn as much as I can.
It makes me quieter (if that's possible), and it makes me more peaceful.
This will probably come as a shocker to most people who have known me, but it is what it is.
These days I don't fret. I don't worry. I don't obsess over injustice, unfairness, wrongness. I don't try to WILL change. Change in other people. Change in everything around me. CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE. DISCONTENT. CRAVING FOR SOMETHING ANYTHING BUT THIS. DIFFERENT. FREEDOM. SOMETHING.
No, that is not me. Not anymore.
I just try to live my life as much as possible.
I try to follow my soul.
And I'm learning, that's about all I can do.
I'm finally getting that.
I'm relinquishing the control that I never had, but constantly tried to have over absolutely EVERYTHING.
I'm turning everything inward.
Righting my own wrongs.
I feel so peaceful.
So I suppose that's one of the things slowly musing its way around my brain.
On another note, my adorable son is currently the cutest thing on this planet, and my husband is still as spiffy as ever.
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